My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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