Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
