You can't special order awesome
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
