and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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