worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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