people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
did i just pee glitter
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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