Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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