More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
