Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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