Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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