opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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