yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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