you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
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I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize