I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
