final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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