she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
