i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
