It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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