You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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