Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I cut my penus on the lid.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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