Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
