Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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