The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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