i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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