This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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