eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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