I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
