How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
