I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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