You're completely useless in the revolution.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
