i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
