I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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