You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
