I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Welp...herpes.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
