I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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