I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
