im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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