i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
