Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
