What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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