i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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