I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
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I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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