There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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