How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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