...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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