My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
