i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's never too late to be topless.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
