Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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