Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
