it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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