So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
