I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
