After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
