I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize