he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
