You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
