She said her name was "party"
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
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Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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