She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You need a sexual gate keeper
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
