just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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