So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
