so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
