If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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