it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
