i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
being pregnant is like rehab
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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