We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
