"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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