I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
