at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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