i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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